Dear Little ,
I just got promoted to Training director, so I have 14 trainers in my care. I’m really excited about this new work. As a result, I’ve been spending a little more time figuring out scheduling and other work from my laptop. I’m not going to lie – there are days that I wish I could send you to a day care so I could do all of the things that I need to do in a day. Laundry, dishes, floors, walk our dogs, make dinner for everyone, and yes, make phone calls and scheduling – but then again, I bet every parent says that.
That being said, when you go down for a nap and I get a few minutes to browse Buzzfeed, or write in the journal, I’m reminded of how fucking fast you are growing up (no swearing until you go to college).
I want you to compare the size you were just one year ago to the size you are now. You have grown 205% IN ONE YEAR. If I did that, my doctor would be terrified, horrified, and all sorts of -ified’s. Your doctor, however, is really impressed with your growth. You are statistically normal for weight, but are still really tall for your age. From a math and science perspective, which depending on when you read this, is either REALLY lame or REALLY fascinating.
I’m old, so it’s fascinating.
I was talking to a friend of mine, Jon, just before your nap. He and his family took me in after college when I really needed a place to go, as well as most of my high school years (I’ll explain later). He and his wife have always been the surrogate family for me that I used to map what a family should be. They were able to spend time with their son, form a bond, and even in the teenage years when their son might not have agreed with them, he respected them. I want so badly for that to be the case with us. Jon told me that we were off to a good start by staying home as much as possible now, but also working part-time to keep my own identity, allow you to spend time with your dad one-on-one so you can get your own relationship built, and really start appreciating you for your personality. Right now, you are curious of everything, and really REALLY love the poor cats who don’t really love you in return just yet.
This isn’t much of a post with a point except to say you still go with me to work most week days, we walk dogs together, and you are happy to do so. I’m happy to have you come with me. You love the dogs you work with (especially Bandit and Ollie! You laugh, point, and even grab the leash to “walk” them from your buggy), and even if I’m desperate for a break, later in the day I’m still very lucky to be able to spend time with you. There are days you wake up from a nap bigger than you were when I put you down, and that’s absolutely fascinating and frightening. This period of time won’t last forever, and I know that. I just wish it would slow down, even just a little bit.
Then again, I bet every parent says that.
I love you.